


to grow brave by reflection

by foreverinasmile



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 12:42:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17244407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverinasmile/pseuds/foreverinasmile
Summary: Cassian examines his reflection. Written for the Cassian Andor Promptathon atthefulcrumcaptainon Tumblr.





	to grow brave by reflection

_I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death. Thomas Paine_

*

He stays in the shadows, just out of sight. They bring her in and sit her in front of Draven and Mothma, wrists shackled in front of her. She’s ragged, dirty, worn down. He’s spent the last few months finding out everything he can about her and now is his chance to observe, to take in her measure. Her eyes scan the room, the people, and he doesn’t have to wonder what she’s looking for. He knows she notes the exits and resigns herself that she cannot reach them. He knows she counts as many weapons as she can see and marks the biggest threats as those she can’t yet pinpoint. He knows her patience has reached a limit when she speaks. He knows this because he would do the same.

*

When she takes his blaster, he can’t find himself too surprised. He understands her need for protection, her need to survive. What he doesn’t expect is her trust. He doesn’t have an ounce of it for her, so he surprises himself (and Kay) and lets her keep it. All his research suggests that she would betray him as soon as she had the chance. Her past tells a certain story. Yet, he sees something in her that he doesn’t know if he recognizes. A feeling that nags at him as they fly towards Jedha. Maybe she needs a chance to prove him wrong, a chance to hope. He tells her as much and she seems doubtful at first. But then, she saves his life and the lives of others. She jumps in front of Kay and defends the mission. He thinks there is more to her than he could have known, and he’s not sure if that’s good or bad. 

*

“You don’t believe me,” she says. It’s not that he doesn’t (ok, maybe it is a little) but he knows it’s bigger than that. He watched her while she tried to convince them of the message. Hearing from her father(s) has changed her. Her father’s message revealed a purpose that had been buried deep, a determination that had been taken from her but is now reignited and ready to let loose. He sees the beginnings of rebellion. It reminds him of his first missions, of the intent to right the wrongs of the galaxy that he had near the start. He’s almost nostalgic for it, that feeling. He wonders if she even notices the difference.

*

Her fury at him is real and he sees his fury (at her, at himself) cast back. Not for the first time, he loathes the choices he’s had to make for this cause, but when he finally, _finally_ makes a choice for himself, she reminds him of all the other choices he regrets. 

*

“I believe you,” he says to her. He convinces her that they, together, will complete this impossible task that the council doesn’t want them to do at all. He can’t give her fathers back to her, but he can give himself to her cause, now that they want the same thing (Didn’t they always want the same thing? He’s not so sure.) He circles her and he can’t take his eyes off of her and he sees himself as he is meant to, his reflection clearer than it has ever been now that they are united in purpose.

*

His whole body hurts. He leans against the side of the elevator, watches her looking at him with the same resignation that he feels, and he sees that she, too, longs for what could have been. He lives a life in this moment, a life that he never thought possible for people like the two of them. They hold each other walking across the beach and he surrenders himself to their fate as the Death Star fires. When he holds her in his arms for the last seconds of his life, all he can think is _if this is the way I end, I’ve done what I can, and at least I’m not alone._

*

*

*

Cassian Andor opens his eyes, unfocused until he hears her voice, and Jyn Erso echos his entire being when she squeezes his hand and says, “Welcome home.”

**Author's Note:**

> In an interview, Diego Luna talks about Cassian and his relationship to Jyn, and he says that at the beginning, Jyn is the last person that Cassian would want to go with on a mission, but as the movie progresses, Cassian sees how really similar they are, and that the mirror hurts (I am obviously paraphrasing, but I think that is the gist of it). I thought that it might be interesting to have Cassian use Jyn as his mirror throughout the movie to get a glimpse into his head.


End file.
